Men from the Boys - Tony Parsons

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smoke into his dying lungs, and my meatballs had gone stone cold.

      

      I walked him to the bus stop at the end of our road.

      It took some time. I had not noticed until we were out on the street that he had a slow, strange walk – this laborious, rolling gait. When we finally got there I shook his hand and went back home.

      Cyd was watching the bus stop from the window. She’s a kind person, and I knew she would not approve of me abandoning him on the mean streets of Holloway.

      ‘But you can’t just leave him out there, Harry,’ she said. ‘It’s dangerous.’

       ‘He’s a former Commando,’ I said. ‘If he’s anything like my dad, he’s probably killed dozens of Nazis and he’s probably had bits of old shrapnel worming its way out of his body for the last sixty years. He can catch a bus by himself. He’s only going to the Angel.’

      She started to follow me into the kitchen. And then she stopped. And I heard it too.

      A smack of air, then breaking glass, and then laughter. And again. The crack of air, the breaking glass, and laughter. We went back to the window and saw the two men standing in front of the house across the street.

      No, not men – boys.

      A security light came on – the kind of blinding floodlight that was becoming increasingly popular on our street – and illuminated William Fly and his mate, a spud-faced youth who cackled by his side, every inch the bully’s apprentice.

      Fly lifted his hand, pointing it at the light, and I heard my wife gasp beside me as the air pistol fired.

      The security light went dark in a tinkle of glass and a ripple of laughter.

      They moved on down the street, letting the next security light come on, and I was glad that we had decided against getting one. Fly shot out that light too, and they sauntered on, down to the bus stop where the old man was sitting.

      My wife looked at me, but I just kept staring out the window, willing the bloody bus to come.

      The two boys looked down at the old man.

      He stared at them curiously. They were saying something to him. He shook his head. I saw the air pistol being brandished in the right hand of William Fly.

      Then my wife said my name.

      And we both saw the glint of the blade.

      I was out of the house and running down the street, a diminished number of the security lights coming on as I went past them, and I was almost upon them when I realised that the knife was in the hand of the old man.

      And they were laughing at him.

       And as I watched, Ken Grimwood jammed the blade deep into his left leg.

      As hard as he could, just below the knee, half of the blade disappearing into those neatly pressed trousers and the flesh beneath. And he did not even flinch.

      There was a long moment when we stood and stared at the knife sticking out of the old man’s leg.

      Me. And the boys. And then William Fly and Spud Face were gone, and I was approaching Ken Grimwood as if in a dream.

      Still sitting at the bus stop, still showing no sign of pain, he pulled out his knife and rolled up his trousers.

      His prosthetic leg was pink and hairless – that’s what struck me, the lack of hair – and it was like a photograph of a limb rather than the thing of flesh and blood and nerves that it had replaced.

      And all at once I understood why this old man had not been at Elba with my father.

       Two

      By the time I came down the dishes from last night were clean and drying, and there was tea and juice on the table.

      Pat was shuffling about the kitchen. I could smell toast. I went to pull the newspaper from the letterbox and when I came back he was putting breakfast on the table.

      The girls were still upstairs. Pat was Mister Breakfast. He had been Mister Breakfast since the time he had been old enough to boil a kettle. That was the thing about the pair of us – it worked. And it had always worked.

      The thing that used to get on my nerves was when people said to me, ‘Oh, so you’re his mother as well as his father?’ I could never work that one out.

      I was his father. And if his mother wasn’t around, then I could still only be his father. If you lose your right arm, does your left arm become both your right and left arm? No, it doesn’t. It’s still just your left arm. And you get on with it. Both his mother and his father? Hardly. It took everything I had to pull off being his dad.

      ‘You all right?’ he said, wiping his hands on the dishcloth, looking at me sideways.

      ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘All good.’

      And still I did not mention his mother.

      Joni appeared. At seven, her footsteps were so light that, if she was not rushing somewhere, or talking, or singing, you often did not hear her coming. You turned around and she was just there. She shuffled slowly towards the table, dressed for school but still more asleep than awake.

      She yawned widely. ‘I don’t want to eat anything today,’ she said.

      ‘You have to eat something,’ I said.

      She cocked a leg and hauled herself up on her chair, like a cowboy getting on his horse.

      ‘But look,’ she said.

      She opened her mouth and as Pat and I bent to peer inside, she began to manoeuvre one of her front teeth with her tongue. It was so loose that she could get it horizontal.

      She closed her mouth. Her eyes shone with tears. Her chin wobbled.

      Pat went off to the kitchen and I sat down at the table. ‘Joni,’ I said, but she held up her hands, cutting me off, pleading for understanding.

      ‘Cereal hurts my gums,’ she said, waving her hands. ‘Not just Cookie Crisps. All of them.’

      I touched her arm. Upstairs I could hear Cyd and Peggy laughing outside the bathroom door. I groped for the correct parental soundbite.

      ‘Breakfast is, er, the most important meal of the morning,’ I reminded her, but my daughter looked away with frosty contempt, furiously worrying at her wonky tooth with the tip of her tongue.

      ‘There you go,’ Pat said.

      He placed a sandwich in front of Joni. Two slices of lightly toasted white bread with the crusts removed, the chemical yellow of processed cheese sticking out of the sides like a toxic spill. Cut into triangles.

      Her favourite.

      Pat returned to the kitchen. I picked up the newspaper. Joni lifted the sandwich in both hands and began to eat.

      

      Here’s a good one for the Lateral Thinking Club – if a marriage produces a great child, then can that marriage ever be said to have failed?

       If the marriage produces some girl or boy who just by existing makes this world a better place, then has that marriage failed just because Mum and Dad have split up? Is the only criterion of a successful marriage staying together? Is that really all it takes? Hanging in there? Butching it out?

      Does my friend Marty Mann have a successful marriage because it has lasted for years? Does it matter that he likes his Latvian lap dancers two at a time before going home to his wife? Has he got a successful marriage because it remained untouched by the divorce courts?

      If a woman and a man abandon their wedding vows and run eagerly through all the usual hateful clichés – saying hurtful things, sleeping with other people, cutting up clothes, running off

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