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of your financial beliefs, which greatly influences your money behaviors, decisions, and relationships, is known as Money Scripts®. They are what informs our day-to-day interactions, decisions, discussions, relationships, filters, and behaviors regarding all things financial.

      Since Money Scripts® are so integral to our financial outcomes, it makes sense to know as much as we can about them. We dedicate Chapter 9 to understanding and assessing your Money Scripts®. For now, we are going to explore what roles your parents played in shaping your money beliefs.

      Essentially, it could be fair to blame your financial problems, and possibly your relationship problems, on your parents. Most likely your financial beliefs and behaviors have sprung directly from your experiences in your childhood. Of course, you are ultimately responsible for your behaviors, but the fact is, your financial behaviors are rooted in your Money Scripts®. Research on Money Scripts® and their influence on financial outcomes is one of the fastest-growing areas of research in financial psychology. Financial professionals realize that understanding financial behavior is the future of helping clients with their financial needs.

      Anthropology is the study of human societies and cultures and is a fascinating field. In studying a culture, anthropologists often immerse themselves into the culture, spending months or years living among the inhabitants. There, they both participate in the culture and observe the inhabitants, looking for insights into people's behavior from a cultural perspective.

       What was it like for you growing up around money?

       How was money handled by your parents?

       What was it like for grandparents growing up?

       How did you feel about your socioeconomic status?

       What beliefs about money were passed down to you?

       What were your biggest financial mistakes? Successes?

       Do you have any memories that stand out?

      Often, these prompts will start an extended dialogue about their money memories. This is a good opportunity for you to listen. Take the time to let them share their memories and experiences around money. You might want to record the conversation and/or take notes. After your interviews, take some time to see if you can see any patterns. Did you notice any recurring themes? What beliefs did they have about money? Did you notice any differences between the childhood experiences of your parents? How did this impact their relationship with money? Do you recognize any of these beliefs passed down to you? How did their upbringing impact the development of your relationship with money?

      This type of study can be quite valuable and will give you tremendous insight into your own psychology of money. You might begin to better understand why your parents raised you the way they did. Your parents are as much a product of their parents and early environment as you are a product of yours. Keep in mind that your children are the next in line to inherit this family financial legacy. The great news is that it is not too late to make “edits” to your family legacy.

      But not all financial help is good. There are many circumstances in which financial help, or the promise of financial help, can hurt. For example, there are times when financial support enables a pattern of irresponsible financial behaviors, encouraging bad spending habits, a lack of saving, a lack of motivation, or other self-destructive behaviors. In our research, we refer to this as financial enabling and financial dependence, which is discussed in detail in Chapter 3.

      Sometimes money is used within family systems to hurt or control. Sometimes the power money can have to create a connection in the lives of those close to us becomes so important that we use money to enable those feelings. This can lead to a pattern of financial enmeshment.

       Using children to pass along financial information between divorced parents (e.g., “Please tell your mother to pay me the $100 she owes me”).

       Sharing your financial stress with a child (e.g., “I don't know how we are going to pay rent this month”).

       Having children answer the phone when creditors call.

       Talking poorly about a child's parents around money (e.g., “You can't have braces because your father won't pay child support”).

      Involving children in adult financial matters can have a negative impact on their own relationship with money. While some children may feel a sense of importance that they are being involved in adult matters, they are not psychologically able to cope with and process the information. As such, the experience often leaves them feeling anxious and insecure. It is very important to talk to your children about money, but it is not okay to share too much financial information with them. A great litmus test on what is “too much” is to ask yourself this question: “Am I feeling negative emotions around this issue (e.g., scared, guilty, or anger)?” If so, you are best not to share it. A better idea is for you to share those concerns with another adult, possibly even a professional. There is no shame in having financial stress or concerns, but you need to be careful not to burden children with your issues, as it can hurt them.

      Then

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