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If you’ve ever considered the absurdity of sleeping on the ground in a place where bears live, pooping in a bag on a glacier, or trying to teach someone you love a sport that scares them to the point of loudly threatening to kill you in front of strangers, <i>Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems</i> will make you laugh. Author and creator of Semi-Rad, Brendan Leonard is part Dave Barry, part Gary Larson, and 100 percent twisted in his own fresh way. The Semi-Rad perspective has become the funny, introspective voice of outdoor Everyman and Everywoman adventurers.

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Race pimping has cost America TRILLIONS of dollars, as the money in race guilt is fantastic. Politicians line their pockets and those of family and friends, while delivering little to nothing to their constituents or the community at large.




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Don’t know whether to buy this book or not, then you are a racist sellout! Just kidding. But it does mean you are likely cheap, and not to go all Shawshank on you, but salvation lies within!


To help you get over the hump, here are a few excerpts to ponder:

"The money in diversity is enormous, even bigger than former sportscaster turned political pundit turned sportscaster Keith Olbermann’s ego."

"Wouldn’t you like to be a “reverend” and father children out of wedlock without repercussions? If you study hard, this book will teach you how to have your non-profit organization pay your mistress and your child support – all at the same time."

"You must be so black that if you eat sushi, watch reruns of Dawson’s Creek and Friends, or enjoy the ballet, you will hang yourself."

"Everything your constituency does or think must be viewed through the very narrow prism of blackness. They must talk black, walk black, think black, read black, eat black, drink black, dress black, smell black, sneeze black, cough black, yawn black, surf the Internet black, and even urinate black. Failure to do so has consequences."


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Other books written by Kevin Jackson: • The BIG Black Lie: How I Learned The Truth About The Democrat Party • Sexy Brilliance: …and other political lies!

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Greg M Thompson has been a professional entertainer since he was a teenager. In 1999, he added «celebrity impersonator» to his list of talents.
He accidentally fell into the role of «producer» when he and his wife, Jackie, started The Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Impersonators in 2004. Since then, he has become an expert on the profession of Celebrity Impersonation and is sought out for advice on the subject.
He now shares with the world, his thoughts and advice on the subject by way of this book. The reader will also meet several impersonators and hear their stories about their personal experiences in this wild and fun industry.

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Denise Graham was born and raised in Long Beach, California. She has always had an affinity for writing. Since elementary school, Denise has dabbled in poetry and short stories. Her biggest ambition was to write a novel one day and her dream finally came true with this book. She currently resides in Fort Wayne, Indiana with her husband Bob and her two cats, Tasha and Ollie.

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We use them every day, some of us more than others. They make our conversations colourful and interesting, loud and bright, rich and rare… and sometimes seemingly foreign or incomprehensible to visitors to our shores.They derive from a variety of cultural, historical and ethnic sources, and have adapted and evolved over time into a collection of truly original 'Australian-isms'.<br /> <br />They underline and emphasise the linguistic imprint of who we are as Australians. Some call them 'Strine'. Others, simply slang or idiom. We like to think of them as Australian 'Slang-uage' – Sayings, Slang and Idiom, the Aussie way. Here are some Aussie sayings to ponder:<br /> <br />'Hello, here's trouble', 'How are you me old china?', 'Howzit garn?' 'Saw your light on, thought I'd drop in', 'We have to stop meeting like this'.

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The ever popular and thoroughly entertaining <b><i>Aussie Slang Dictionary</i></b> is back to help you decipher and speak the true local language. Full of dazzling definitions from true-blue Aussies, you'll never be lost for words with this collection of colourful sayings. From 'aerial ping-pong' (AFL) to 'on the wrong tram' (to be following the wrong train of thought) and finishing up with some 'verbal diarrhoea' (never-ending blather), your mind will be brimming with useful (and not so useful!) sayings for your next run-in with a true Aussie character.

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Renowned as a novelist, journalist, and humorist, Mark Twain is not only one of the most widely read and admired American writers, he is also among the most quoted. Wit and repartee permeate his work &#8212; from the short, light pieces to his great novel Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and even later, in dark meditations on the human condition where his humor takes on a cynical, satirical twist. This remarkably inexpensive volume gathers together hundreds of Twain's most memorable quips and comments on life, love, history, culture, travel, and a diversity of other topics that occupied his thoughts over 50 years of writing and lecturing.An invaluable, ready reference for writers, speakers, and others in search of amusing and insightful quotes, this entertaining and thought-provoking compilation is also an ideal introduction to Twain's inimitable style and thought.

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In this great philosophical essay, Henri Bergson explores why people laugh and what laughter means. Written at the turn of the twentieth century, Laughter explores what it is in language that makes a joke funny and what it is in us that makes us laugh.One of the functions of humor, according to Bergson, is to help us retain our humanity during an age of mechanization. Like other philosophers, novelists, poets, and humorists of his era, Bergson was concerned with the duality of man and machine. His belief in life as a vital impulse, indefinable by reason alone, informs his perception of comedy as the relief we experience upon distancing ourselves from the mechanistic and materialistic. «A situation is always comic,» Bergson notes, «if it participates simultaneously in two series of events which are absolutely independent of each other, and if it can be interpreted in two quite different meanings.» The philosopher's thought-provoking insights (e.g., «It seems that laughter needs an echo. Our laughter is always the laughter of a group.») keep this work ever-relevant as a thesis on the principles of humor.

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"It's no disgrace to be poor," observed Sholom Aleichem, «but it's no great honor, either.» «Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city,» remarked George Burns, while Marc Chagall noted that «Art is the unceasing effort to compete with the beauty of flowers and never succeeding.» These and many more classic examples of Jewish wit and wisdom &#8212; sometimes hilarious, frequently profound, almost always incisive &#8212; enliven the pages of this entertaining and practical little volume.Some 500 aphorisms include observations and remarks from statesmen, writers, artist, philosophers, jurists, musicians, and celebrities &#8212; from the prophets of the Old Testament, the Talmud, and Maimonides to Joey Adams, Barbra Streisand, and Woody Allen. Here also are memorable quotes from Louis Brandeis, Martin Buber, Fanny Brice, Heinrich Heine, Sam Goldwyn, Golda Meir, Karl Marx, Groucho Marx, Herman Mankiewicz, Albert Einstein, and many others.Arranged alphabetically by author, these thought-provoking pronouncements will not only serve as a handy resource for speech writers and public speakers but will also amuse and inspire all readers.

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"The editors have performed a task for addicts will be grateful. There is nothing for the faithful to do but to sit down and fall to the banquet." &#8212; The New York TimesThis is the largest collection of Lewis Carroll's verse ever compiled. It contains almost every poem that Carroll ever wrote. It includes every prose appearing in his books published during his life, privately printed poems, ephemera, poems from manuscripts found among his papers, and from «The Rectory Magazine,» Collingwood's «Lewis Carroll Picture Book,» «Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll,» and rare 19th century periodicals. This is the only place of publication for much of this verse.This volume contains 150 different poems, offering perhaps the finest whimsy ever written. There are parodies, burlesques, riddles, whimsies, ballads, songs (one with Carroll's own music), extravaganzas, acrostics, and other types, including several of his serious poems. Many poems are annotated to explain contemporary allusions, and this edition retains 130 original illustrations by Tenniel, Frost, Holiday, Furniss, and Carroll himself.